GRITS

While at the library today, I happened upon a book whose title caught my eye almost as immediately as I glanced in its direction. It’s titled The Grits (Girls Raised In The South) Guide to Life by Deborah Ford And Edie Hand. Well, being a full-fledged, bona fide Grits gal, I had to check it out (both literally and figuratively).

While I think only a true Southern woman can appreciate all the books nuances, there are some gems within that even a Yankee (I’m giggling as I type that word, saying it aloud in my head as if I were Miss Scarlet O’Hara herself) could appreciate.

This "Grits Bible" contains information all Southern ladies know to be true; from what defines a true Southern Belle to understanding that football is indeed a second religion in the South: from the art of hospitality, planning the perfect party and landing a husband, to the importance of family, friendship, sisterhood, values, and traditions.

Sprinkled in amongst the sage advice is, of course, a smathering of Southern humor – which brings me to today’s funny. Please note: not all Southerners are Rednecks and not all Rednecks are located in the South… They are everywhere, darlin’.


Redneck Rules of Etiquette


• To avoid bruising wine as you decant it, make sure you tilt the paper cup.

• Your centerpiece should never be prepared by a taxidermist.

• When dating (outside the family), always offer to bait your lady’s hook, especially on the first date.

• Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 p.m.; others might say Monday. If the latter, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.

• When attending the theater, refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can’t hear you.

• Never take a beer to a job interview.

• Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

• Convenient though it may be, it’s considered tacky to bring a cooler to church.

• If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

• Even if you’re certain you’re in the will, don’t drive a U-haul to the funeral home.


“The sound of laughter is contagious. It’s a verbal hug, best shared between friends and family. In today’s world, with all the pain and frustration we’ve seen, you’ve just got to laugh. Nothing else seems to make sense.
Thank the Lord there’s so much to laugh at in this world.”